Still More Pool Observations

I'm blogging in my pool right now. I didn't think this was possible until I went to the pool store and found the Floating Bloginator 5000. It's a float that has a place for your laptop and your cocktail. You connect to the internet through the filter.

My Floating Bloginator 5000 is a little wacky though. Every time I hit the "w" key, it squirts water out of the CD tray right in my face.

Me: (hits "w" key)

Floating Bloginator 5000: (squirt!)

Me: What a wacky Floating Bloginator 5000!

Floating Bloginator 5000: (squirt! squirt!)

Then I throw a pie at the Floating Bloginator 5000. It all makes for wacky Floating Bloginator 5000 slap-stick fun.

Now I have to go skim out the damn pie.

More Pool Observations

Guilt

Yesterday, I was swimming in the pool while Sweet Alice mowed the yard which is like a third of an acre. I felt really guilty watching her. Not guilty enough that I got out of the pool and helped her but still - pretty guilty.

Pool Observations

Skimming

I normally don't consider myself an anal retentive person. I like to think of myself as a fairly lazy, laid back, vodka-drinking kinda guy. But when it comes to skimming my pool I'm like a crazy person. Do you realize that you could skim forever and you would never get all the crap out of the pool? Never. Ever. There's just more crap to be skimmed. I find myself starting at one end, making my way around the whole pool and then starting over. Because where I started is now dirtier than when I skimmed it initially. How could that be?

It's not like vacuuming your rug. Lord, if I could see all the crap that's in a carpet, dust mites for example, I'd go live in my backyard where at least I could see all the little creatures crawling on me. A pool is different. You can see every molecule of dirt. And I'm not happy until every molecule has been removed. It's maddening and there's nothing I can do about it.

Except go skim. Gotta go.

These Dreams

Last night I dreamt that I couldn't sleep.

Sticks And Stones

It's Friday which means Michele is calling me names again. So I'm putting a stop to this once and for all.

Take that, Bitch.

My Last Puking Post

OK, I really apologize for the last post. It was tasteless and juvenile. Just the way I like 'em. My bad.

On an even sadder note, as hard as we tried, we couldn't finish the keg. I just finished pouring the remainder into the soil. I almost wept until I started fantasizing about the possibility of maybe a beer tree growing there. Or better yet a vodka tree although I don't know how that would be possible. Then I thought, what about a boob tree? If it couldn't actually happen, it would certainly make a kick-ass beer commercial:

Forlorn, openly weeping beer-drinking guy is pouring out the last of the keg, when suddenly out of the ground comes a tree. With boobs! His sadness turns to joy as he starts to fondle the, er, fruit. He crack open a brewsky and sits under the tree with his hand in his pants as the occasional boob falls on his head. [wocka-chicka porn music plays in the background]

Alright, that was almost worse than my last post so I'll leave you with this:

I'm sorry.

Friendship

Agua Buena

Remember a while back the joke about Evian spelled backwards is naive? Well, I just noticed that Deer Park spelled backwards is Reed Krap. Just thought I'd let you know.

Also Aquafina spelled backwards is anifauqa which I believe is an off-shoot of Al-qaeda. You've been warned.

Luca Sparrow Sleeps With The Fishes

Injured sparrow update:

He's dead.

Memorial Day

I took the weekend off from blogging. Mostly because we had a party on Saturday featuring much alcohol, meat and even people. Yes, people attended the party. Even one VIP blogger buddy and his lovely brilliant daughter. You can tell where she gets her brains from.

So my point is, I've been busy trying to finish off the keg. It's a lot of work but someone's got to do it.

Oh, and I'd like to personally thank all the veterans who were at the party. I meant to do it that day but I got drunk and forgot.

Thanks, guys!